I’m Marybeth McCurdy, a Sister of Charity, with over thirty-five years in  and at that time there were  from alcoholism.

A key message and tradition in Alcoholics anonymous is that of service, sharing and supporting others, passing on what you have received.  This is partly what led Sister Arleen Brawley and I to co-found Sophia Recovery Centre in 2008.

I grew up in the north end and west side of Saint John in a family of one brother and two sisters.  My father was an alcoholic, who could be very violent, especially toward my mother.  Being the oldest I became the big girl in charge. Once I remember lining up all our shoes where Daddy might see them and stop drinking! There was alcoholism in my father’s family, and my mother, who did not drink, did not always fit well in the picture.  I swore I would never drink!

To outward appearances, we pretended all was ok in the family. Didn’t ring true lots of times.

At eighteen, I entered the Sisters of Charity. One reason I did came from the witness of the teachers who taught me. We were low-income, although not as poor as some of the children I went to school with, and from the time I was a child, I saw how the sisters treated these children and were good to them. They never judged. They protected them. They loved them.

I was young when I entered, and was introduced to rules and regulations that seem to cut you off from the outside world. I came to appreciate how much these teachers gave everything they had to their ministry of teaching, but also had to adhere to prescriptions required by religious life at “that” time.  A great renewal of religious life came through a church council in the 60’s, Vatican ll.

The call was to reclaim your founding spirit, deepen your living of the Gospel and keep reading the signs of the times.  New paths and ministries opened up for the Sisters of Charity as they welcomed the call of the spirit to serve with others in new fields.

Remember I stated that I would never drink?  Well, in my thirties, I had my first drink!  Where I lived, we would have wine for special occasions.  No problem, until I grew to hope for more occasions to celebrate.

I soon became the “gopher” to go get the wine, became the bartender, this caring young Sister who made sure the cupboard was not bare.  Working in an Italian parish in BC, homemade wine flowed often and one learned to be grateful! I thought this was simply “social drinking.” Later, relaxing after parish meetings in Edmonton, the pastor, who drank a fair amount, would invite to have a drink, and so I became fond of Canadian Club whiskey in a short time. Denial was still very alive in me.

I could identify being an Adult Child of an Alcoholic, given the research emerging in the 80’s and even learning that my sister had become an alcoholic, did not move me to check on my patterns growing.

Truthfully, shame and self-hatred was growing as I began to secretly drink alone, with a mickey hidden in my closet.  I thought I was very funny and as well found that a drink gave me courage to speak up. I even wrote letters under the influence, sometimes very respectful, and at times, not so!  That’s what it was like.

What happened?  The therapist I was seeing for depression and anxiety finally told me she could not help me until I looked at where my drinking was going. I thank God she did, later. With her help, I was able to get into a three week program for women in Calgary. The women were a mix of ages and were wanting to get sober and stay sober.

This was an experience of honesty and truth-telling among people I didn’t know but with whom I could relate. I came to understand the progressive path alcoholism takes and was introduced to the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous, not a crash course, but a way of life one step at a time and one day at a time. I was fortunate to discover a women’s group in Edmonton, a safe place for women from varied professions and occupations sharing a common desire to stop drinking.

My sponsor, Jan, a woman with long-term sobriety and a deep understanding of the steps as a way of life walked with me for a number of years. My shame, embarrassment and self-loathing lifted the more I attended meetings, worked the steps in the company of a god of  my understanding that was far removed from that of my childhood and in some ways showed up in my understanding of religious life.

I experienced a freedom and a joy that I could not have imagined. Addiction attacks body, mind and spirit. Each day I pray my first three steps in the presences of a higher power, I choose to call God. I am deeply grateful for the women and men whose journeys helped me see the grace of recovery every day.

Sister Arleen, my friend, was a living testament to the Program and together we were drawn to dream what might be possible for women in the city and rural areas. And maybe we had the dream, the seed, and it was our Congregation, the Sisters of Charity and the women and men on our early Boards (co-founders  too)who got it, understood and together made this dream a reality.

Sophia wisdom continues to be found at the gates waiting for any woman desiring to address patterns of addiction. To any woman who has thought there is no way out of addiction: it’s not just you. It’s your family, friends, our whole world, to a degree. Addiction impacts a wide circle in any community.

There is HOPE!   In Saint John, St. Stephen, Quispamsis, …Sussex asking…To every woman who has discovered a new way to become well, through relationship with Sophia Recovery Centre, reach out to others, give back to Sophia in ways you may not know right now.

As Arleen and I said from the beginning, if one woman gets well, its worth the risk!  And sixteen years later, the dream is reality, and it takes a village!