I first went to Sophia Recovery because they offered meditation courses - at least, that's the excuse I used. I’m a retired educator, a mother of three adult sons, and now have grandchildren. I didn’t want to meet someone I knew on the doorstep and have to say why I was really there

The ugly reality was I was drinking too much.

For a long time, I truly thought the person I was when I was drinking was a “better” me. I was funny, I had great ideas: let's do this, I want to do that, let me tell you a story! When I was drinking, I felt like a star.

But during COVID when I was at home alone most of the time, two glasses of wine a day became a bottle of wine, which became two bottles of wine a day - to the point that I was sick and had a hard time doing my job.

I'd set these rules: like, “okay: you can't drink on a work night.” That would work for a while - and then it wouldn't. It started affecting decisions I made. Social things became a question of “well, if I go to that, how am I going to get home? There was never the question of “will I drink?” It was, “well of course I'm gonna be drinking and so I have to make arrangements.”

I was afraid to even try to stop because - what if I couldn’t? What would that make me? Growing up, my father was an alcoholic, and I was aware of the shame that came with that label.

After that first meditation class, I would have just slid out the door. But there was a peer mentor, Nicole, who said, “would you like to come back? You could actually make an appointment and talk to someone if you’d like.”

That initial contact with her made all the difference.

Once I said yes to meeting with someone, I had made the first step.If you just stay home alone, there's no transparency. You don't have to justify anything. But when you make a commitment to another person to say yes, I will come back - you have to answer to someone.

I didn't have to confess to my sister, my neighbor, my best friend. I didn't have to bear the shame of it socially. But when I was at Sophia, I could be open and honest about how much I was drinking, why I wanted to drink, and why I was afraid to quit. The people there had understood because they had been through the same thing

Now I’ll be turning 75, and I have been sober for three years.

Maybe I was “tons of fun” when I was drinking, and I sometimes still miss that crazy version of me.

But now, I get to be thoughtful, kind, quiet when I want to be. Now, I don't have to hide it from my sons. When one of my grandchildren needs a drive, I can say yes every single time: no matter the hour. I never have to decline an invitation to anything because I'm worried about what kind of condition I am going to be in. I feel healthier. I don’t have to put on a show.

Sobriety lightens the burden so much. My life is so much simpler and more free now that I don't drink, and Sophia Recovery really supported that.