Wanting to Change
“I was working in healthcare. I was very fit and active – until I got injured in an accident and lost my mobility. That’s when I started drinking every day. I was struggling with chronic pain from my injury, and I had a couple other conditions. I was using drinking as a way to cope. Then I met somebody who was a functioning alcoholic and I drank every day with him, basically. It was kind of easier to drink with somebody who was doing the same thing. Eventually, in May 2023, I had lost my three best friends in just a short time. I got to a place where I needed help. I decided that I was gonna go.”
“Well I went [to Sophia Recovery Centre] because in studying and reading about addiction and about alcohol in particular I read that meditation was really good for people who were trying to recover from a substance use disorder. [SRC] offered meditation three mornings a week. So that’s the excuse I used [to go].”
“[My mother] threatened to cut me off. So I pretended to break up with my boyfriend and pretended to be sober. Then she told her therapist what happened, and [she drove me] up here to Sophia. I met [my peer counselor] and we talked a lot about what was going on and I came to the conclusion I was happier without him and happier without the drugs. I’ve been coming here by myself ever since.”
“I had a young son. He was three, and he started really looking around at the fact that my life was falling apart. I had no money. I was starting to lose everything I owned. Family was pretty much turning their backs. It was just getting to the point where it was either gonna live alone and have nobody or straighten up.”
“I was really nervous of losing my son because it had been threatened to me several times from my mom. My mom was constantly telling me if I didn’t get over [my substance use], she would take him. One day I just had enough of being sick.”
“Because [my peer counselor] and my sister were friends growing up, and my sister knew that she was at Sophia. She told me to reach out to her, and that was probably the biggest step that I made towards getting clean. It was right after, I think it was 2021. I went through really bad psychosis, and I reached out to [my peer mentor] to get my intake done to start coming [to SRC].”
“[Being pregnant] scared the shit out of me honestly. The first thing that I thought of was, “I just totally ruined this child already and he’s not even born.” Sidenote: he’s doing amazing.”
“I wasn’t ready to be sober then either. My mom – thankfully I had her – she was my big supporter. She never said anything, but she would be there for me. I remember one of my stints with sobriety I just woke up in my dad’s recliner and she would be passing me freezies every time I woke up. That’s all I remember.”
“So that summer when I had my baby with me, everything was kind of OK. I was just using on weekends. But then one weekend turned into a week – and that was the week that I dropped my son off to my parents’ house…‘cause I knew that he wasn’t safe with me. I wasn’t safe to be around him.”
“That summer I moved out to Sussex. I was isolated. I was in a bad situation. I didn’t like the person around me. I ended up getting kicked out of Canadian Tire in Sussex for no reason: they said I was stealing, and I was, like, begging them to check me [for stolen items] and everything. Yeah, so that was my final straw. I got sober after getting kicked out of Canadian Tire. Like, this is not the life I want to be living. I started missing my son a whole lot and the guilt was really eating me up.”
“It took a couple of weeks of wondering – a few nights I was just happy to zonk out, black out, not care. But days went by, and I was like, is this really what I’m going to do? Or am I going to regain control? They tell you not to move right away in sobriety – but I did. I moved to Toronto, I went to AA meetings, I had friends I met through different programs, I built my own network, and it helped me stay on my own path.”
“I think the moment you reach out to anyone – whether it’s walking in a room, sending a Facebook message, a phone call – it takes such courage to do that. If you’re not ready to walk into a room yet, try online first. Anyone who is struggling – that first step is the biggest one you’re going to make. Someone was there for me when I made those steps along the way, and they will be there for you, too.”