Relationship Boundaries
“Actually, I’ve lost some relationships because people don’t always respect your boundaries, especially in families. I also got the strength to leave the relationship I was in. That didn’t feel like a blessing at first. But it was the beginning of healing – to find my own identity beyond that relationship and move toward what I wanted in my life without having to take care of him. I never would’ve been able to stop drinking if he wasn’t gone out of my life.”
“A lot of times the relationship is not built on a solid foundation. it’s kind of a blessing – doesn’t feel like it in the beginning, but it’s kind of the beginning of the healing for women to find her own identity beyond that relationship. To have the courage to move forward for the things that you want In your life, without feeling like you have to take care of another person.”
“I came here and I talked to [my peer counselor] about [my financial issues]. I was just so fed up, because [my boyfriend] kept promising me that he was going to get on welfare, then he would sleep and miss appointments. I was like, “I’m completely fucked.” So I was talking to [my peer counsellor] and she suggested the rent bank and saved my ass. I haven’t missed a rent payment or been late for rent payment since. I was like, “as soon as I get my rent covered, I’m done with him. He’s been sucking me dry.”
“I’ve been a people pleaser – I’ll do anything for anyone, even though they won’t do it for me. It’s like I’m trying to find somebody, but I do it the wrong way. I let people use me. [If I hadn’t come to Sophia Recovery Centre], I would’ve reconnected with him.”
“I was in Sussex – I tried leaving Sussex a few times. I walked to Norton and called my dad, but my boyfriend ended up in Saint John and in my driveway before me and my dad even got there, so I went back home with him. It was just a never-ending story. My dad actually told me he wasn’t gonna pick me up anymore. He told me not to call if I needed him. But three days after my youngest was born, I had to call my dad because I was like, “I’m calling the cops [on my boyfriend] and I want to go home…we get ourselves into those situations [of domestic abuse] very easily as females, especially with substance use disorder. You feel stuck. It’s almost like you feel you deserve what you’re getting.”
“I went to Alcoholics Anonymous, a few months after I relapsed I thought, you know what, it’s time for me to do something else. I wanted to stand on my own two feet and know it was me. I have so much self-doubt that it was important for me to know it was me. I didn’t want to be hindered by other people’s issues. I was upsetting my family by quitting – they’re all daily drinkers, and they didn’t know how to be with me anymore.”
“[My peer counselor] really really helped me build boundaries and figure out how to speak to [my son], and how to navigate through what he was going through and not make it my own problem. To really just be able to have a relationship with them, and not lose them, and have the skills to get them into rehab, and now that he’s out how to talk to him now that he’s sober.”