Stigma: Impacts of Negative Attitudes
“I was scared of seeing people that I knew growing up [at Sophia Recovery Centre], and how they would judge me as an addict reaching out for help. It was kind of an eye-opener to see how many other women struggle with the same stuff that I did.”
“I hid away from [my shame] a lot. I tried to deny a lot of it. Now, I’m more open about my story because I think it helps other people who are struggling with the same thing.”
“I remember being in my basement shooting up a drug that was non-injectable and seeing the veins turn red, my arm swell up, my throat swell up. I had 911 on the phone ready to go but I couldn’t press the number because I was so ashamed to ask for help. I would rather be found dead overdosed…”
“RuPaul’s drag race has given me a lot of sayings. RuPaul is also a recovering addict, and she/he/they gave me some phrases that I say: “So if them bitches ain’t paying your bills, pay them bitches no mind. Also feelings aren’t facts. And what other people think of me is none of my business.”
“I adopted those as a mantra. That’s really how I dealt with the stigma. A lot of people’s ideas of addicts come from past experiences, past traumas or what they see in the media. I just tried to lead with love and acceptance and a little bit of curiosity, so that it allowed space for me to breathe instead of constantly being on edge.”
“There’s a stigma that [alcoholism] is a men’s disease. I had to go back out into the world and explain myself to people that would never get it.”
“I didn’t have to confess to my sister, my neighbour, my best friend. In my social life I didn’t have to bear the shame of it. But when I was at Sophia, I could be open and honest about how much I was drinking, why I wanted to drink, why I was afraid to quit.”
“There’s a shame that goes along with admitting that you need help and admitting that you have a problem with alcohol. I was loathed to meet someone I knew on the doorstep of Sophia Recovery Centre – and I did, but it was inside [the Centre].”
“I really got a lot out of the one-on-one counseling. If you go to a regular therapist, most of the time they don’t have a clue what you’re talking about. I’ve had the experience where they just stare at you with their judgemental faces. They really don’t have a clue how to help you or work through it, because they’re more about your feelings than your problem.”
“Truthfully, shame and self-hatred were growing as I began to secretly drink alone, with a mickey hidden in my closet. I thought I was very funny and as well found that a drink gave me courage to speak up. I even wrote letters under the influence, sometimes very respectful, and at times, not so! That’s what it was like.”
“My shame, embarrassment and self-loathing lifted the more I attended [Alcoholics Anonymous] meetings, working the steps in the company of a god of my understanding that was far removed from that of my childhood and in some ways showed up in my understanding of religious life. I experienced a freedom and a joy that I could not have imagined.”