Trauma: The Connection with Substance Use
[Warning: discussions of abuse]
“Back in 2017, my partner and I split up. I am adopted, and I was holding on to this hope of getting our nuclear family back at some point. That hope was dashed with us moving to different cities: he stayed in Fredericton, I came back down to Quispamsis. I started my nursing career down here. He started dating other people, and I wasn’t ready for him giving up on us. I went into a really deep, dark depression. It felt like either I was going to die, or something else. What I sought was numbing – a way to not feel the feelings.”
“My mom was an alcoholic and my father wasn’t in the picture. My parents really did the best they could to raise us. My grandmother got custody of me when I was six, and I moved to Saint John. We moved [around a lot].”
“I think a lot of my issues stemmed from my childhood and the coping styles of both of my parents. They had quite rough lives growing up, and I think that kind of spilled over into how they raised me. They both had their own troubles with addiction of various sorts, so I think it was kind of normal in my household. My father was an alcoholic. Drinking was just a part of everyday life. It looked fun for the most part… Something I struggled with my whole life [was] feeling separate, different, alone. I never felt like I fit in with anybody. I was kind of an only child, my older brother is quite a bit older and didn’t live with us. My parents were kind of always wrapped up in their addiction. I felt like I was just kind of on my own.”
“My dad was a violent alcoholic and he was killed drinking and driving… I actually didn’t really have much of a childhood… But economically and socially, we were poor. We didn’t really have very much. I realized that my fibromyalgia was probably from the trauma that I had trapped in my body. I had lost my three best friends since 2016, 2018, and 2019. I [needed] some healing. So I decided that I was gonna go [to Sophia Recovery Centre].”
“I didn’t have a lot of friends growing up. [My substance use] started when I was talking to somebody on [Facebook]… I was probably talking like I was over the age that I was, and I met up with somebody. He wasn’t the greatest of the guys. He actually ended up abusing me that day, and he dropped me back off where we met with a bag of ecstasy.”
“That’s who explained it to me – he was like, “don’t worry this is gonna make you feel better – all that stuff you’re guilty and hiding from will come out.” I cried on my way home – but when I popped one of those in my mouth, I didn’t feel what I felt. I didn’t feel guilty or ashamed of what I had just done.”
“[My substance use began] honestly I think when I was 10. I think substance use disorder starts with a trauma when we’re very young. And without going into details of the trauma, I would say that’s the case for me as well.”
“I grew up in the North End and West Side of Saint John in a family of one brother and two sisters. My father was an alcoholic, who could be very violent, especially toward my mother. Being the oldest I became the big girl in charge. Once I remember lining up all our shoes where Daddy might see them and stop drinking! There was alcoholism in my father’s family, and my mother, who did not drink, did not always fit well in the picture… To outward appearances, we pretended all was ok in the family. [This] didn’t ring true lots of times… We were low-income, although not as poor as some of the children I went to school with…”